Saturday, December 19, 2009

Trouble Makers, Shit Disturbers and Outsiders Wanting to be Insiders

During the past month or so, I have been publicly flogged and vilified for things I did not do as well as for things I did do but were misinterpreted by outsiders who witnessed what they thought was one thing when in fact, it was something completely different, and so here I am, on my very own blog, making an attempt to set the record straight.

This all started when we were trying to organize a private event to honor John Dawson's life and legacy. It would have been pretty meaningless without the involvement of the New Riders of the Purple Sage but scheduling was a nightmare so we gave up and added a "Tribute" to the beginning of the NRPS show at the Mystic Theatre. It was still a private event but we requested (and required) that most attendees also purchase a ticket to the show because it was our way of thanking the venue for giving us the extra time at the place and frankly, a guest list of 100 people in a venue that holds maybe 4 times that would have been a financial disaster for the band. All was going fairly well until one of the invitees, not recognizing my name, decided I was trying to make money off of John's death (huh? This cost me money and I was happy to do it, would have paid more if we could have worked it out)and posted that publicly.

Concurrent to that now fateful Faceboook post (which was copied and pasted all over the internet), I had a discussion with an old friend who, while participating in the event big time, told me in a very public place that he didn't think our friend who had passed was a very nice guy. That is all I am going to say about that except that his words were far harsher. I got upset and decided my 40 year friendship with this person was over. This didn't go over well with the aforementioned, attempted, former friend (we have since resolved the issue and are friends again) but I was completely inflamed for about a month and could not calm down. And let's just throw in here the cancer meds and the surgeries (most recent surgery was October 21, right in the middleof all of this), have left me a little off my game (and some would say, off my rocker) and caused some distinct shifts in my personality. I never suffered bullshit easily and nowadays, I really cannot and will not tolerate it.

Imagine my surprise when, let's just call him AAFF for aforementioned attempted former friend came up to me in another public place where I was waiting to say hello to someone else, as if nothing had happened. I merely reiterated what I had told him previously, that I had nothing to say to him and did not wish to talk to him ever again and waved him away. I did not yell, I did not scream, but I was firm. He caught the look in my eyes that said "I am not kidding" and walked away, very hurt (this is where you can say, "AWWWWWWWWWWWWW"). I did have an inkling of how hurtful I was being but in that moment I felt I was right and did not care whether or not I hurt someone else's feelings. That was very, very wrong of me and one of my friends, who was with me at the time, said she thought I had been very cruel. I didn't see that then but in retrospect, she was right.

Fast forward a few weeks. Another mutual friend jumped in to the mix, called and spoke with me and encouraged me to resolve the issue. I made a call to AAFF and left a message of contrition (or as contrite as I can be, which isn't all that contrite).
The tribute started out a little rocky but by the end of the evening, AAFF and I had resolved the problem and were once again friends. He told me never to apologize for being straight with him and that he appreciated my honesty.

That was the end of any problem between the two of us but some outsiders, who witnessed my little "I'm not speaking to him..." brief speech, decided I was self-aggrandizing and had deliberately attempted to belittle AAFF in front of his fans and friends (so not true) (and believe me, had I wanted to do that, really wanted to do that, I have more than enough true ammunition). Anyway, idiot outsider started another public flogging of me, and of course, he/she/it does not sign his/her/its name to anything because he/she/it is a complete coward.

Cowardly Outsider, or CO as I am naming this person, stirred up a pile of shit by misinterpreting a post I made to yet another mutual friend who asked me to find out if AAFF had received a present she sent him quite awhile back since she never received an acknowledgement. I inquired of AAFF, got his response, and posted it, referring, jokingly, to AAFF with something along the line of "you know how it is with these legends in their owns minds, busy, busy, busy..." and that started the whole thing going yet again. Hey you know people, get a life of your own. And a sense of humor. AAFF is not GOD.


DebGrabien said...

You know, the things these fans-come-latelies think they know - and about which, entre nous, they know JACKSHIT - are legion.

I am actually still far crankier with the gent who put his rant about the tribute up on, essentially, a public board, without checking first to see what the hell was actually going on, especially since the excuse or motivation for doing it in the first place was pure "HEY I have Grateful Dead cred, how dare they ask me to buy a ticket?!" in nature.

Please. I have a little Dead cred of my own, and plenty of Marmaduke cred. I actually cooked for the memorial and brought food up for it, and I paid for my ticket without a blink. So did damned near everyone I talked to at that tribute. Support your local act, people.

As for the way you handled it, yes, you may have got a little over the top, but damn it, slagging John to you was an almost supernaturally dumb thing to do, and frankly, the Aforementioned is lucky you didn't peel skin off him in thin, bloody strips.

As for the vilifiers who think they know anything about anything, sod them. To hell with them. They're blood pressure attacks looking for someone to happen to, and let them go explode each other's heads.

Because they are NOT going to be allowed to explode yours. I won't stand for it.

So there.

holy said...

So glad 99.9% of the time I don't know what is going on. Deb said it best, "You know, the things these fans-come-latelies think they know - and about which, entre nous, they know JACKSHIT - are legion.".

A lot of the new fans lack class, plain and simple. Maybe they're jealous because what you were a part of won't happen again, the tailcoat riders certainly won't benefit from friendships with so and so and whatshisface(tongue in cheek here). You earned your friendships by being a FRIEND, something far beyond fanship. You are a strong woman and will continue to be so, anyone who doesn't like it knows the way to the door. If they don't, I'll gladly hold it while Deb boots them out :)

Mizshely said...

Hi you two,

Thanks so much for the support (and to all of those who showed upport on Facebook as well). My intention in posting to the Nelson Band BBS never was NEVER about self-aggrandizement; if I had wanted THAT, I would have made a big deal out of the REALLY big deals with whom I have crossed paths in my lifetime, fish far bigger than Mr. Nelson (who is basically an undersized trout in a small pond in terms of the music business). But this really was not about David, either, it was about the fans who vilified me because I told the truth. Deb, you are right. Sod 'em (they deserve to be soddomized, IMHO). There, I have said it out loud.
And this is really only about a couple of "fans" who apparently are fans of getting trashed and having a good time at the expense of others. Most of the Nelson Band fans (and the band, even David) are sweethearts and I love them dearly. But these few bad apples spoil the entire barrel and I HATE moldy fruit.

Mizshely said...

And that last post meant to say "support" instead of "upport" but decided to leave it because deleting and reposting can be a major pain in la derriere. I am still flummoxed by that idiot on the Nelson board who accused me of YELLING at David... these days, with my sinuses missing (as well as my nose) and constant sore throats, I do well to squeak out anything. Yelling is simply not an option although there are times when I would dearly love to do so because it does satisfy some primal urge that smolders within me until a good hissy fit has been expressed. Meanwhile, my throat hurts.

DebGrabien said...

It's virtually impossible not to respect that band. How far into the stratosphere would one have to go to find someone as all-around excellent as Pete Sears, for instance? Mookie, David - no, the band is fine. They're sound, as people and players.

I think Holy nailed one thing exactly right: there's a definite vibe of "Oh noes! we were still a tentative suggestion away from being a zygote when SHE was getting carried backstage by the promoter at Bickershaw after Marmaduke announced to the crowd that "This is Michelle, all the way from California! She has Teh Cred! What shall we do?!?"

What shall you do, my wee ones? DEAL with it, and in a respectful way, or else get your asses at least verbally kicked. Because, however natural the resentment, I know sour grapes when I smell them fermenting, and I'm going to call that bullshit every. single. time.

Because I not only still have my sinuses and the ability to raise my voice, I also still have language and I aint afraid to whip it out and load my crossbow with it.

Come to think of it, I still have my crossbow, too. AND the bolts are handly. Michelle, my love. let me know if you need backup...

DebGrabien said...

Oh, and I nearly forgot: if we're talking Big Deals, you really ought to put a couple of those Ginormous Xmas Card Cariccatures from a keyboard player named Emerson up on eBay, and buy a nice trip to Aruba with the proceeds.